Jokes about veterinarians

I have been a veterinarian for 30 years! Wow! 30 years – down the drain!

A man calls the vet to see his python and the vet hears the python barking! The vet is delighted – This is an unprecedented case – a barking python! For such a discovery, I, perhaps, will receive a Nobel Prize! Man: “Doctor—maybe first we extract the dachshund he swallowed?!

A doctor comes on call to a sick veterinarian. – Tell me exactly where your pain is concentrated? “And by the way, I don’t ask my patients what they are sick with,” the veterinarian answers. – I treat them without question! Then the doctor turns to the veterinarian’s wife, gives her the powder and says: – Feed your husband this medicine, and if it does not help by morning, you will have to put him to sleep! I walk into the vet’s office with a carrier cage. Are you sterilizing? the doctor asks. – No … I brought a cat … – Yes, I don’t really care … I can have you, I can have a cat …

One ambitious student, studying at a veterinary school, moonlighted at night as a taxidermist (stuffer). Upon graduation, he decided that he could combine the two professions, expanding his activities and thereby doubling his income. He opened his veterinary clinic and hung a sign on the door: “Dr. Jones: Veterinarian and Taxidermist – one way or another, you get your pet back!”

Aibolit sits under a tree, sews a leg on a hare and says affectionately: – … here I will sew you a new leg and you will again run along the path … The unfortunate hare asks him in an imploring voice: — Doctor, maybe not? I already have forty of them …

In the summer in a holiday village, the dog of one of the vacationers was injured in a skirmish with a porcupine. The summer resident turned to the local veterinarian for help. “Your $100,” said the veterinarian, having provided the necessary assistance. “Yes, you are out of your mind,” the summer resident exclaimed, “you are getting fat here when we come to rest!” Take advantage of the fact that there is nowhere to turn!!! But what do you do in the winter when we are not here? – Like what?! We grow porcupines…

Two veterinary students came to the village for practice. Settled down. They are called to the farm to see a sick cow. One looks into the mouth, and the other looks under the tail. The following dialogue takes place: – Can you see me? – No! – Me neither. So, volvulus.

Two men meet. One to the other: – My cat, well, just zadolbal!!! Like March, he yells in a bad voice. “And you take him to the vet.” On that they parted. A year later, they somehow met again. — Remember, I advised you to take the cat to the vet? – Yes, I did… “So what, he doesn’t yell in your spring now?” – Still like yelling. Now yelling: — Where? Where are they? Where-e-e?!!!

A man comes to the vet – What are you complaining about? – For life. – But I’m not a psychologist, but a veterinarian. So life is like a dog.

— Hello, doctor, wake me a cat! – Like this? “Well, you put him to sleep last year, now wake him up.

“I cut cats. Possible castration. We’ll see how it goes.”

Announcement in the newspaper: “Veterinary clinic “Kind Doctor Aibolit”: euthanasia, cremation, removal, castration, sterilization, cropping of ears and tail, haircut and removal of claws.” I wonder what the Evil Doctor Aibolit is doing?

Calling the vet: – Now my mother-in-law will come to you with an old dog. You give her an injection of some of the most powerful poison so that she does not suffer and immediately dies … Vet: Will the dog find its way home?